I know we all procrastinate because the burden of perfection in our homes as well. Why even clean the room when you don't like the furniture? Why paint the walls--what if the color turns out weird? What if it's wrong? Why even put out the effort if I cannot do it 100% correctly and risk free?
I was talking to my sister on the phone today and we were both feeling like we had too much stuff. For her it was toys for her children, for me it was lamps, frames and various, um, tasteful tchotchkes. We both started feeling overwhelmed and then she said "the only way I'll ever be able to get through all these toys is if I have 2 days strait without my kids around." Don't we all feel like that?
I feel like the only way to get rid of my excess beloved stuff is to never move again, then wait 2 years and make sure I don't "need" it. It's too much work right now. But instead of giving up and waiting to move, why don't I just get rid of a little bit every week? I make a weekly trip to the thrift store, I could drop off stuff then. That's pretty good.
Why can't good be enough?
Whether it's saving money, cleaning the house, brushing your teeth or decorating, these things done incorrectly are still worth doing even if they aren't done to perfection. Simple Mom addresses the idea of aiming for excellence not perfection in one of my favorite all time posts. Love her.
I know many of us also have a fear of wasting our hard earned money. This post isn't really about that. We'll talk about that real soon though. This post is for the folks that have the can of paint sitting there and still won't take action. Sometimes, the best way to learn is by making a few mistakes.
This post was first published September, 2008--an appropriate repost based on yesterday's question, and answers.
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47 comments:
I've definitely said "If only I could get the kids and husband out of the house for a weekend, I could get this done..." It's hard to tackle projects big or small when you have little windows of time to work with. But, you're right- it's better to do just a little bit than not at all.
And, if you are taking stuff to a thrift store I'd like to know the name and address of it :)
You always know how to say the right thing at the right time! I don't seem to struggle with getting started, maybe it's that I start too quickly without thinking things through. However, both ends of the spectrum can be cumbersome.
Thanks for helping us all restore the faith in ourselves.
"Why bother to clean the room when I don't like the furniture..."
Man! My excuse is "why bother to clean this house when I'm about to lose it and move anyway". And that's no excuse.
Why can't good be enough? For me, I know I'm way too caught up in my own mind to just go ahead with something. It's okay if I {& my family, of course} am the only one who likes it. Right?!
I so needed this, yesterday I made a list of all the things that I wanted to do to help my home not look like a 'goodwill store' but I'm scared it won't turn out right - but I think I'll just do and start and see where it goes from there, thanks for your inspired post!
You know what? I can't focus if they are all gone. I just sit in revel in the silence and then miss them all desperately. I can't focus when they are here...because I sit and talk. So what's the right answer for me???!
getting rid of a little bit at a time is my method and i love it. It makes you feel good on an ongoing basis. Also in the argument of too much too perfect. I grew up very poor and we moved a lot. We always had the attitude of it wasn't what we had but how we arranged it. The same furniture in a lot of houses but arranged artfully and different each time. We had no accessories, but curtains with the sunshine through the window did really well, and sometimes, paint or wallpaper on the wall. But mostly just organization.
So right! I always feel I have to have at least a couple of hours to make getting the bucket and mop out worthwile. And then I realise I can unload the dishwasher in the time in needs for my milk to warm up in de microwave. Babysteps will get us all there. Thanks for the reminder.
I was in the middle of typing a comment to your post yesterday when I nasty lighting hit somewhere VERY CLOSE to my house, knocking my Internet, house alarm, DirecTV and pretty much my life! lol So...I saved what I was typing, and here it goes:
My biggest decorating fear was the same fear that I had when choosing clothes, a hair color/style and accessories. I had a best friend for years who always played it safe. She bought trendy clothes, decorated the way she saw it in showrooms and magazines, and only did French manicures. I, on the other hand, never cared about whether something was "in" or out. So I thought I had bad taste because I wanted colorful nails, like green or black, or purple or...like I have now...fuchsia.
I live out loud. I have an eclectic style. I love French country, Americana, Mediterranean, Cottage Chic, Coastal, vintage, Art Deco...and I can mix and match. Now I'm learning there isn't just one "right" way, there are many ways. Also, as long as I like it and I can live with it, its fine with me!
please, forgive the typos above. I meant to type: a nasty lightning, not I nasty lighting...LOL
Why, oh WHY, can I not remember this? Why can't I embrace it? Why can't I just dive in and accept that less than perfect is going to be just fine?
I don't know. But it sure is what I struggle with. (Hence the "ing" part of Giving Up on Perfect - this is definitely an ongoing process!!)
Amen sister !!
I am a fellow perfectionist. I had to learn to just let it go some and remember: Where there is fear there is no creativity. And if we wait for all the conditions to be right we will do nothing. So be bold and lose the fear.
"For those of you who have a can of paint laying around"...you'd better get it on the walls before your 2 year old uses it as a step stool to get to the forbidden gum on top of the fridge and you end up with THIS: http://smallingworld.blogspot.com/2007/08/jack-attack.html
But seriously, this is so me...love the links you gave here...both sites are just what I needed to read this afternoon!!
THANKS!!!
I put one item a week on craigslist so I can slowly weed out all the things I don't really need. It's working...it's manageable so not overwhelming.
I also have a bag on the back of my closet door that I add clothes to as I find the kids have grown out of them or items I realize I haven't worn in a year. When it's full I donate it.
Thanks for the wonderful post, again!
Janell
I just have to say that Tchotchkes is one of my favorite words ever. Kudos to you for using it in a post. I like tasteful Tchotchkes too!
I agree!! I think that if you move often - like I do - I think it's hard to get rid of those "extra" decorating things because just the time you finally decide you don't need it any more, you move and find out that it would have been perfect for you new home! Thats what happens to me all the time1 - - - Thanks for you sweet comments on my blog. I have never tried the starch for fabric on the walls - mainly because we are always in a house that isn't ours and I'm just not sure of what the leftovers on the wall will be, and if I have to wash the walls down...water + starch + carpet = HUGE mess! (at least in my mind!)
Thank you, Nester! I really, really, really needed to hear this today. I've been procrastinating on a project all summer because I was afraid of failing. Now I've got an accountability partner to keep me moving forward, no matter how imperfectly.
Preach it sister!!!!!!!!!
Girl you hit the nail on the head. I cannot tell you how my perfectionism has ended some projects before I have even started them.
At least I can admit it, right?
I'm sorry, but you lost me when you said something about taking your stuff to the thrift store. All I could think of was how badly I wanted your cast-offs!
Um, do I need to send you a box so you can just send your rejects to me? 'Cause seriously, I would do a back flip for them. ;)
Preach it!
I totally agree. Well-said! Thanks for the important reminder. Linda
This is my first time to the Nesting Place and I've bookmarked so I can return again and again! I love that you prove that decorating is possible even with little time and a tight budget.
Thanks!
As a recoverying perfectionist, I've tried to develop a "that's good enough" attitude. I also keep a box in the garage that's my go to the Goodwill box. When it gets full, I start over with a new box.
Great reminder. I don't have too much trouble jumping into something, but I'm terrible about completing stuff....and alot because I get scared it won't turn out like I thought! The more I finish, though, the more faith I have in my ability to have pride in my work, perfect or not. Like you say "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful!" Thanks for you encouraging blog.
Here's one small way I handle "too much stuff." I keep a cardboard box in the garage called Get Rid of Box. Simple. I might choose one cupboard or one drawer to go through each day as I put away dishes and decide what can be tossed. When I am in the linen closet, I do the same. It only adds a few minutes to whatever you are doing, so you don't have to "schedule" time to do this.
Also, if we buy something new, we get rid of an old one. Purse in, purse out. Toy in, toy out. My kids have adapted these habits and go through clothes, accesories, toys and books fairly regularly. When the air hockey table is full, we go to the thrift store. No, we don't play air hockey much!
This post couldn't have come at a better time. I am consumed by toys in the playroom right now, but going through each and every bin so tediously because I'm afraid I might get rid of something they really cherish but was at the bottom of a toy box. Thank you, I will start with one bag to give away at a time and not stress about it!
I kind of feel this way about decorating for fall. I find myself flipping through a Pottery Barn catalog thinking, "It won't turn out this way so why bother?"
But I love what you said - that things done incorrectly are still worth doing even if it's not perfect.
Thanks for the encouragement to get started!
You said the bit about not moving for a while would help you keep clean- well, around here, I pretend I am about to move so that I will throw out all that I don't really want to move (as in - all that I don't really need.) Not that I have any idea how to keep a house - I blame my mom, poor thing. And my girls can blame me - because I certainly have not taught them well.
girl...u must've been reading my mind! i HATE...DETEST my kitchen countertops and feel like it's making it hard to move forward in my kitchen. although, i did paint the walls to tone them down. Picture this...they look like they belong on a poolside bar somewhere. they are nasty blue speckled...not even a pretty blue and they're corian. who in their right mind would pick out these corian counters. it perplexes me. and alas i cannot afford to replace them at this time. i suppose i could be grateful that i have ugly counters in my house. it means i have a house with a kitchen to cook for my fam. does anyone know if u can paint corian??:0)
Its hard to let go of being perfect...we could all learn some lessons in that regard.
Perfection is over-rated.
That's what I keep telling myself. I struggle with indecision too...and I don't have the excuse of kids anymore...and right now, hubby is traveling. So....I'm getting off the computer and attacking the kitchen and family room. Then it's time to pull out the paints in my studio and get started on another canvas.
Thanks for the articles...and the pep talk.
Jane (Artfully Graced)
This has been so much on my mind lately! I'm even toying with the idea of retitling my blog "Good Enough." There are so many things I do around the house (and in life) that aren't *perfect* but I have come to realize that I am usually the only one who notices. I am trying to stop qualifying, defending and making excuses for the imperceptible imperfections of my home. Like Julia Child said in "Julie & Julia": No excuses, no apologies, no explanations.
Nester, I love your stuff, and haven't been visiting long -- but I intend to become a regular.
Could you do me a favor, though? Fix the header on this post to "Perfect Versus Good?" You're driving the English major in me crazy!
thanks so much.
Great post. I was just writing a little about perfectionism a few days ago too!
Sometimes I find it helpful to ask myself "If I did choose the wrong colour, get rid of an item I would want later, go with my personal tastes instead of the popular trend, whatever - would it really matter in 10 years time?" My kids probably wouldn't grow up emotionally scarred because I chose the wrong shade of white. World peace would not be at risk. I might grow to love my 'error', or just find a way to fix it. I always consider my home and my garden to be a work in progress.
* YOUR HEADING is sooooo close to what my husband has REPEATEDLY SAID to me over alllll these years... "Honey, you just HAVE to learn when 'GOOD is GOOD ENOUGH'!"....
He's soooo right, I KNOW (!), but for a perfectionist, it's so HARD!!! Hence, OFTEN times, like you said, I don't get ANYTHING done!!!
Thanks SOOOOOO much for letting me know that "AT LEAST I'M N*O*T ALONE IN ALL THIS"!!!
Warmest wishes,
Linda in AZ *
*****OMG, and HOW COULD I FORGET his other satement, almost always included "in there SOMEWHERE"~~~~~~ "PERFCTION IS THE ENEMY OF GOOD ENOUGH!"~~~~~~~~
NESTER! I am so excited. I took your advice. I have been hearing you in my head, you know.
My kitchen looked bad: builder grade cabinets with some kind of fake plastic wood laminate on the sides that doesn't match the doors...laminate countertops...you get the picture. I have dreamed about how I would like the kitchen to look; in fact, it's done in my mind...but for the budget...
Here's where you came in: I decided it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful. I removed the "Little House on the Prairie" wallpaper and textured the walls despite my FEARS. What an improvement! I took down the florescent fixture with those long bulbs and replaced it with a $12 old rubbed bronze light.
Then, I watched Nate Berkus on Oprah last week. He talked about going shopping in your house like you do. So, that's what I did to decorate my kitchen. I pulled out my decorative things and put them on the table. I started placing things together and experimenting. Let me tell you, I am NOT talented with this, but it looks SO MUCH better! And, I didn't spend any money. I do want to buy a plate stand, and I'm on the hunt for a couple of things, but I am so excited that I got very far with what I already had.
So, everyone, shop your house. Like Nate said, have the same mindset that you have when you are in a store, and walk through the rooms in your house. When shopping you come across things and think, "I wonder if that would look good in my living room?" Do that in your house. Ask for example, "Would that dresser from my bedroom look good in my entryway?" (Just like Nester's beautiful white dresser!)
Very cool. Very eco-friendly. Very economial. :o) Thank you, Nester!!!
perfect post. I have been feeling this way lately as well
I've been putting off buying/making simple curtains for my college-aged son's room. I finally bit the bullet and put some clip on cafe curtain rings on some folded sheets and voila!--two easy no-sew curtains for $6.79! Now if I can just find that spray paint...
Nester, as I read this I let out a little sigh and felt my shoulders relax. I love that you bring me back to grace...in little things, in big things...again and again. Thank you, sweet girl.
Annon!
Thank you for saying I'm like Nate!
{blush}
I'm so happy for you!
Cindy,
Lord have mercy I am always spelling my titles wrong--spell check doesn't check that part--THANK YOU!
Thanks---once again :0). I would just like to share something about FACING the fears we have about decor or home improvements--or anything I guess :0). I had posted the other day about my fear of running out of money to finish a project. This is something I truly do not like--because it has happened so MANY times in my life. Since being in this newest home (notice I did NOT say new!), we waited until we were pretty sure what we wanted to do. Of course when we KNEW, we had no extra money! So, we decided that as soon as we had such and such amount--from taxes--we would start! We opened the wall. Then we painted. then we were able to find book shelves and a TV table on super sale. We did this over several months. i thought it would really BUG me, not being "done". But I am glad we went ahead and started and then just kept the goal in sight. Here a little, there a little. We still have a few things to get "done". We gave ourselves time though. We would like to have 3 of the projects done by Thanksgiving. Here a little, there a little! It worked and now I am not so fearful of not getting it all done at once. Just thought I would share :0)!
I feel pressure because the home is where I get the most judgement from others and we are to hard on each other! We need to start a revolution! LOL I get way to stressed out for sure! I have a sister in law who would "drop in" and make comments "oh i dont care if its a mess" and then a minute later..I can't stand a mess! ugh! so I have a little stress when it comes to company and i never feel quite like having company unless it's perfect.i am getting better about not worshiping the IMAGE Idol! I am learning! lol
Funny that "good enough" sounds like a compromise--when really, it ought to be what makes us happy. If it's good enough, it's good. Good! You know--that word that God used to describe how he felt after creating the universe. I think maybe that should be good enough for us.
Thank you for this insightful post!
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