There's No Wrong


Do you ever wish that you could have a set of rules that if you just followed them step by step then whatever goal you are trying to achieve would be met?

Are you looking for rules to follow when decorating your house? I've been known to spout a few rules myself but I always try balance it with humor and a reminder that design rules are made to be broken. I mean, I have a feeling that someone out there is using ivy over their cabinets and they love it. And it looks great too. Maybe even someone has all black walls.

How you decorate is a personal choice. So many of you have emailed me and ask for advice. One thing that I usually notice when you all send me your photos is that everything in your homes looks pretty great. Usually, whatever advice I give is responded with "You know, we've been thinking about doing that and just haven't done it". I always feel good when you tell me that because it makes me feel like I'm on the right track.

But, you don't need me to email you and tell you that. I am gonna tell you right now--whatever it is that you have been thinking about, just do it! For yourself!

Paint that wall, those cabinets, the paneling, that brick.

Pull up that carpet, rip out that door.

Move the sofa, change the dining room to a library, buy a new big beautiful chandelier!

I know why most of you aren't doing it.
Sometimes yes, it's the money and time but usually, it's because of The Rules. Those unspoken rules that we feel are out there but we aren't sure we fully know them or even want to adhere to them. One of those rules is the straitjacket of perfection. What if I get the wrong size, buy the wrong fabric, hang it incorrectly, use the bad paint, scratch the wood floor, make an extra nail hole, what if it's ALL WRONG?

This is decorating, not brain surgery.

I have made every one of those mistakes and more. I have spilled the can of paint, broken the mirror, cracked the dish, ripped the sofa, made too many nail holes, lost the instructions, measured once cut 55 times, purchased the wrong size, regretted a choice, and painted the same wall 4 different colors in one month.

{And you know what, it all worked out}


Necessity truly is the mother of invention. Sometimes, the best way to know how to do something is to just get your hands dirty, make mistakes and learn. What if you figure out a better way, come up with a better idea, or like the unplanned better than the planned?

You all are smart, creative women, and I have full confidence that you are equipped to make your home perfectly imperfect and beautiful for you and your family. I have a secret way to help you get over the fear of taking a risk. Tell yourself that there is NO WRONG.

More and more I have the feeling that everyone just wants a list of do's and don'ts to follow. I'm so glad that feathering your nest doesn't work that way. You don't need me to tell you what size to get, or step by step how to pull off something. Maybe how I did it won't work for you. You figure out what works for you.

I'm not saying that everything I've ever done has looked great or that everything you will ever do will look great. Some things just don't work out. My point is that you have a choice.

You get to decide.

So I hereby declared The Rules to be null and void. There is no wrong unless you don't like it. Would I paint all of my walls black? No. Would I tell you to paint your walls black? No. Have I seen it done beautifully? Yes. For every rule there is an equal and opportunistic rule breaker. I bet the owners of this guest house were all "You're gonna paint the walls what color?" when the designer told them about the plans for this room. And the walls are the very thing that make this room remarkable.

Edited: Since the publishing of the post the owner of Casa Howard contacted me here's what was said:
Dear Nester, as the owner of this guest house (why don’t you mention it ? CASA HOWARD !!) I would like to tell you that no, I did not ask my colour expert (Marina de Lagarda) "You're gonna paint the walls what color?", rather “ how can we find the right black to do it?”. After many trials….this was the (wonderful) result !

Even though they were probably calling me out for assuming they questioned the color, I was thrilled to hear from them and even more thrilled that this color was the goal! Next time I'm in Italy...

Winner of the Home Book: Jacky at The Sweetest Petunia

Similar Reads:
The Rules
Perfect vs. Good

66 birds say {click here to leave a comment}:

jess said...

Well said, my nester friend. Although I have to admitt, I got rid of my ivy after that post of yours awhile back!:)

Sondra! said...

You are so right! When I announced my plans to paint my cabinets black and red (for my Coke collection) I got a lot of raised eyebrows. Since I've done it, I haven't had one person say they didn't like it.

You have inspired me to stain my concrete patio- I have put it off for a year.

Megan said...

umm so i think this post applies to LIFE in general....

and i needed to hear it - LOUD AND CLEAR!

I need to get out and simply DO things instead of worrying about HOW i do them, and following all of the rules to a T.

Thanks for the post!!! I enjoy reading your blog!

Aubrey said...

Pretty much all that holds me back is money. And time. And money. And energyetic motivation. And money. And wanting things the way I want them the first time--not wanting to have to redo my work. And money. But right now I'm feeling pretty on top of the world with painting walls anyway--thanks to your TR advice.

The only "rules" I remember off the top of my head from design classes were to have at least three light sources in a room and don't shove large pieces of furniture up against the wall. You have to see your handiwork and couches smooshed against a wall are...awkward--unless you live in a camper trailer where the furniture is mounted on the walls.

So I don't break those rules. Sue me.

The thing with you is, you show people how to make their ideas work and look nice so of course they want you to tell them everything they should do.

You're like the psychiatrist on "What About Bob"--saying, 'baby steps people, baby steps'. Or however he said it I only saw it once and it was a long time ago. Sue me again.

Berlin Deluxxe said...

True, my mom cringes when I tell her I've painted over an antique piece of furniture. She was really worried when she saw me pull out my spray can and go at it at all the chandeliers we brought back from our home in Naples :)
If you don't surround yourself with things pleasant to your eyes, you are not enjoying life at all.

Lalena said...

Thank you. I've been second guessing myself on my ideas for the sun room. I'm just going to DO IT!

Mrs. Trixi said...

I fully know what you mean by rules. I think that's why it takes me months to decide on a door color, by the way I finally painted them,LOL, and I have to have my husband push me to just do it. It's the fear of the unknown. Even if it looks terrible and anything could be better than nothing, you are still afraid of the unknown. Anyway, I agree with you about the rules. I need to break some!!

By the way Happy New Year, Nester.

Pretty Organizer said...

AMEN Sista AMEN! I'm painting all of my walls black! Okay, maybe just those cabinets. This ole house is up for some major painting projects and the hubby is already beginning to plan his trip to the Man Cave to avoid the disaster... cuz once I'm a paint brush caryin' babe with a mission there's no stoppin! Love the post!

emily said...

Well, Nester. You've done it again. I'm ready to find a door in the trash, tie dye it and mount it on my wall.

Truly Blessed said...

Time and Money are my two barriers in the world of decor. But it's great to get ideas and tuck them away for when the opportunity arises!
Those black walls are fabulous. :)

Kimberley said...

Thanks for the advice, but are you lovingly telling us to stop e-mailing you...because I don't think we can!! Thanks for encouraging continued sweet rebellion! :)

Jenny@ L.O.T.s of Love said...

I'm just being a cheap-o kitchen redo and looking for the "rules" of French Country. Luckily, I have found no rules, just pictures of things I love!

Donna said...

I so needed to hear that - I waited years to do anything to my house because I couldn't make up my mind what to do and now that we're moving I had to get off my duff and get it done to look nice for other people - when all the time it could have looked nice for ME! And it wasn't that hard and it was fun to boot!

Congratulations Jacky!

The Nester said...

Kimberly! No way! I'm not at all saying not to email me but I got a good laugh out of your comment!

And Aubrey, you comment is always the one I scan for first! You never disappoint!

This simple Life said...

I get raised eyebrows all the time, you get use to it. After a few years they stop looking at you funny because they realize that so far you have always been right. The entire reason we even have beautifully NEW rooms is because someone thought to break the rules.

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

Thanks for permission to be creative. I have a few projects around here that need starting :)

Sandy Toes said...

I am with you....in our other house we put BRICK..yes, brick on the foyer floor..it was over 100 years old house! The bricks had numbers imprinted and different things on them. It was daring and I know when the guy was doing it with one eyebrow up.
Well, it ended up wonderful and everyone loved it!!!! I think it is what sold that house:)!
-sandy toe

Stacey said...

You are right on Sister!!

Christi said...

Thanks for the reminder!

And Sandy Toes - a brick floor! I so want that for my kitchen! Not this house, maybe the next one...

Amy said...

I like decorating rules, but don't like rules in other areas of my life! What holds me back? Getting behind the idea! I am so indecisive that I can't stand it sometimes.

Living with Lindsay said...

Could this post possibly be any more timely?? I've been having this issue with my DH in which I come up with an idea and he ALWAYS has an excuse for why it can't or shouldn't be done. He's always liked what I've done when I actually do it, so I'm just gonna do what I think will look good and see what happens. :D Chances are, he'll like it.

Chrissy said...

Great post, and oh so true!!Just found your blog, its lovely!!

Kimba said...

Great post, my friend. You are truly freeing women from our decorating prisons so that we can love and enjoy our homes more.

Dana and Daisy said...

My biggest deterrence in going for the gusto in projects is not having the help to do the things, like take out a doorway, etc. Hubby is not interested in it, and I have a hard time finding handy men and contractors who I feel are doing a good job or I can communicate with.

Julie @ Sweet Chaos said...

I wanted that book! Guess I'll have to get it from the library ;)

Good post Nester. I think sometimes we just need affirmation from another woman who actually "has it all together" and people "believe" her. Sometimes my hubby gives me that eyebrow!

duchess said...

Sounds like you're tired of our whining & complaining. hehe
Great advice - now if I could just make the time to do all that I have in my head we'll be good.

Kelly said...

Love that you said this to such a large audience. I am an interior designer, and when I work on residential projects, most of the time all people really need is for me to "ok" what they already want. I always tell clients, not to decorate for others or worry about rules, design your home for you!

So many decorators spout off unbreakable rules that paralyze people, yuck! My only "rule" is if something in your home doesn't make you happy, get rid of it! :-) Love your blog, it's one of my favorites because of your genuine attitide and down to earth approach:-)Refreshing in a world that too often thinks snobby equates to good design!

Blue Castle said...

And this post is exactly why I love your blog so much! :)

Kelly said...

Boy I needed to hear this post today. I really soaked it up like a sponge. Thanks for reminding us to do what we want instead of do what we feel we have to. I am my own worst critic because I over analyze everything I do. I can't see how good it looks unless it's verified by another person sometimes. I will try to remember that we shouldn't stress over the "little stuff". Now if only I could just accept the scratches on my wood floor and think they're beautiful, I'd be set! Ha!

Do it yourselfer said...

Great Post!! I am a FIRM believer in the No rules concept. I've tried many different things many different times...lived with it and either loved it OR hated it and then changed it again. I love looking at my home as a canvas. I've painted my kitchen twice in the past coupla months...my laundry room for the 2nd time...laid flooring...and I'm getting ready to change my mistreatments...again. If it doesn't feel right...I change it! I'ts learning through trial & error!

Wendy said...

And I say Amen to that sister!

southerninspiration said...

....round of applause for the Nester......thanks!

Suzanne
I most often look for the safest thing.....rules, schmools....

aimee said...

Nester, I so love when you write about this subject. I think it's too easy to let our creative energy be stunted by the "rules" or other people's opinions.

Creativity has no rules, and for most of us our homes are our biggest creative outlet.

Amy Cannon said...

After we built our home the following year I decided to paint our great room black..There are lots of windows and Tons of stained cypress..Lots of deer heads on the wall. My son came home from school and before he saw the finished product he said you have ruined our home...but in the end it was fabulous...Everything Popped...I loved it..I since have painted it cobalt Blue..Like it don't love it...the Black was fabulous...But I love anything over the top...

Amy Cannon said...

After we built our home the following year I decided to paint our great room black..There are lots of windows and Tons of stained cypress..Lots of deer heads on the wall. My son came home from school and before he saw the finished product he said you have ruined our home...but in the end it was fabulous...Everything Popped...I loved it..I since have painted it cobalt Blue..Like it don't love it...the Black was fabulous...But I love anything over the top...

ALVN of WhisperWood Cottage said...

Great post! I so agree. Lose the rules and go with instincts!

Songbirdtiff said...

I could not agree more. Rules are made to be broken! :)

Kimm said...

Well put; some of my biggest "mistakes" have turned out to be great ideas! (Err, what does that say about me?)
Thanks for sharing some of your Nester Wisdom with all of us! Like Megan said, your words are inspiring for other areas of our lives as well.

AnNicole said...

I love this. You are so very, very wise. Your perspective is so liberating. Thank you!

Frippery said...

I say absolutely! Be true to yourself. Don't be guided by decorating "rules." If someone doesn't like your style. so what, it isn't their home. If money is an obstacle paint is the easiest cheapest redo tool you can have. Thanks for the reminder that we do not have to be decorating clones. If you like a trend, follow it, if it's out of date but you love it, keep it. Just make your home YOURS. Pam

Jacky said...

I am soooo super excited about winning; Thank you soooo much!! =)

Victoria said...

What a wonderful post reminding us to go with our instincts and what we love! I needed to hear this today (and everyday!). Reading this makes me feel empowered and like I can tackle remodeling my kitchen.

Runner Mom said...

Thank you! I believe that I needed to hear that! I just emailed Kimba about a decorating issue!
Blessings,
susan

Meg said...

I have not read all the responses but I guess what you are trying to say is: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.." and if we think it is beautiful, then it is.

But...
Some people just have that knack.. that something .. that turns a bunch of stuff into an amazing room.

I do not have it, and I guess I just wish there were rules!!!

Cause when you have the knack, you don't need rules, but when you don't have the knack.. you need rules!

Blissful Nikki said...

I LOVE this! So true...I think I believed this for a long time, but now, I decorate by feel. We got rid of our formal dining and made it an extra large living room. We made our own breakfast nook too. Now I like the layout a whole lot better!!

Tricia Anne said...

What a great post! The funny thing with me and rules and fear of breaking the ones I don't know about, is having the permission to just be. Be myself in knitting our home together! :o)
Thanks for the words of enablement (like using that word ... it's coming up as needing a spell check .. oh well)!
Sincerely ~ Tricia Anne

Misti of Studio M Designs said...

Very smart post Nester! My rule about decorating is this: If you like it, do it!
~Misti

The Scooper said...

And this post is exactly why we all love you.

And I was totally one of those paralyzed perfectionists with nothing to show for all of my obsessing...until your blog. I've done it. I've just jumped in, used what I had, experimented...AND IT'S ALL WORKED OUT. And I did 5 mistreatments (for $20) on Saturday after 3 years of being in this house with naked windows. And now my windows rock. And I'm happy!

I'll be blogging about it soon.

Thank you, thank you for all of your ideas and encouragement and motivation!!!

Amanda@Imperfectly Beautiful said...

That's why we love and admire you so much...you little rule breaker you!

Rachel said...

You are so right! I broke some rules this last week when I decorated my nursery! You should check it out! Turned out super darling, on a zero budget! www.mytobin.com

LOVE your ideas!

Gina @ Six in the Country said...

Sometimes the rules are fun to have just so that you can break them! Great post, as always!

LuLu said...

Everything you said is great. What works for one person may not for another. No rules just do what you think you like.
LuLu

Sheryl said...

Well, I just painted my bathroom cabinets, thanks to your encouragement. Thanks, Nester!

Jill said...

Well said. My "to do" list for January/February is miles long and involves alot of paint but my motto is to "go for it". Nike was right when they said "Just do it". Your home MUST be personal to be homey to you.

Inspired Kara said...

I love everything about this post!

FYI a TO DIE FOR GIVEAWAY going on over at my place! See ya there!!!

Kara

blessingsandglory said...

Why is it I can apply the "no rules" to my life (well except for that following Jesus detail...) but not for decorating my house? Maybe I will just go ahead and call the painter and order those curtains. Living on the edge I tell ya!

-Libby

Mimi Sue said...

Preach it Sista. Amen

Kim@ForeverWherever said...

That's a great point! I think sometimes you feel like your neighbor might come over and say "What have you done?" I have bright colored walls and I know it wouldn't work for everyone, but it fits here! :-) Thanks for your encouragement!

Nancy said...

Thanks, I needed that!

Gina said...

You are speaking to my heart. As I was reflecting on 08 the past few weeks and looking ahead to 09, I was asking myself, "Now why didn't I do ___ like I said I would?" And now I want to do it.

For me, it's not the money, it's the KIDS! Getting these projects done takes 10 times longer because I'm working around the kids. And I can't start painting at 9:00pm at night, I'm just too tired. Any suggestions on how to work around the littles? I have three!

~ ~ Ahrisha ~ ~ said...

Here, Here! You said it well my dear. Decorating is an adventure, just jump right in. The only one who has to like it is you.

Mrs. Trixi said...

The drawing of your home is absolutely beautiful. It will be a treasure for sure.

My First Kitchen said...

LOVE this post. This is so relevant in all other areas, too. We get caught up in doing everything "right" that we end up not doing anything at all. Such a shame and definitely not fun. Keep preaching it!

starsfault said...

I have ONE question.... how, oh tell me, how, do I convince my dearest husband to "let" me do those wonderful things to our home that are always brewing in my brain? He says to me "sweetie, my grandmother NEVER changed anything in her house." Like THAT's going to convince me.[sigh]

Blessngs ~ Eileen

Leilani said...

I just wanted to say thank you for introducing me to The Home Book. I went searching for it (local B & N didn't have it), put it on my wishlist, mentioned it to my mom, and made this year's resolution to acquire it. Imagine my surprise when it came in the mail as a birthday present from my mom this year! I've spent many happy minutes browsing and searching. So I wanted to say thank you and let you know that I completely trusted your judgment!!!! :)

Amy said...

Your posts are so inspirational. I love reading your motivational speeches.